Thursday, July 2, 2009

Irrational responses

I have a list of completely irrational fears. Butterflies and moths being the primary one of them. I also have a morbid fear of hiccups but that has a somewhat rational explanation. Years ago, when I was a child I heard the story of how my great aunt became afflicted with hiccups that never went away for almost a months period of time. While this might seem comical and one of those things that never actually happens, her case of hiccups prevented her from being able to eat, she lost a great deal of weight, and became so frail she nearly died. As a result, each time I caught the hiccups I feared that they would never leave. 

Four years ago, it happened to me. 

It started harmlessly enough. My roommate and my best friend and I both laughed about it. I drank water while standing on my head, held my breath until I nearly had an asthma attack, forced spoonfuls of sugar down my throat until diabetes set in, and tried every nostrum imaginable ad infinitum. Nothing worked. We continued to laugh. My muscles in my back tensed, I became annoyed, I decided I would go to bed. I fell asleep hiccuping. 

And woke the next morning hiccuping. During this period of time I held a temp position as a data entry slave. Data entry and hiccups are a miserable combination. Not nearly as bad as employing an armless Thalidomide victim at a call center or as a job as a safe cracker, but kind of on par. Okay, maybe I tend toward hyperbole, but the day was miserable. I was going on hour thirty-six of continuous hiccups without being about to choke down food without fear of having it jump back into my throat and lodging into my windpipe. I called the doctor for help.

Little known fact, the same medication they give to psychotic patients in mental institutions is a common cure for chronic hiccups. That medication would be Thorazine. Second irrational fear time. I have a fear of getting "the shuffles." If you are unaware of the shuffles, spend some time in the Alzheimer's ward at a elder care facility. It can best be described as the slow, dazed movement of scooting feet across the floor to ambulate for one place to another. 

So in short, I have had hiccups for forty-eight hours of continuous hiccups and they gave he heavy duty psych-meds to fix it. Thus my rational fear is somewhat rationalized.

The long introduction brings be to a somewhat shorter statement. I have an irrational distrust of unicyclists.

Why? I can't explain it. I just don't trust them. The I just get the feeling like they might be trying to steal my wallet or something. 

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