Monday, May 3, 2010

So now...a diversion, a collision, and a perversion...

Lost GirlsImage via Wikipedia
Well, to roughly paraphrase a certain radio personality, "It's been a quiet week in Portland, Oregon..."

I have been pondering a few things as of late. Where my responsibility dwells, the ethics of ethnicity, how to throw rocks at glass ceilings, and more importantly...whether I should start writing really crappy erotic stories to post on this blog.

I have to preface this by stating there are very few, if any, good pieces of erotic literature. Most end up being pieces of masturbatory typing that end up more comical than works of fine fiction, biography, or any form of literature. I was brought to thinking about this by reading Lost Girls, by Alan Moore, which is essentially a pornographic re-imagining of the adult lives of particular female storybook characters. While everyone fawns over Mr. Moores work, his writing is that of a dirty old man. And the story is the fantasies of a dirty old man with a penchant for literature.

I recall years ago meeting a coworker who graduated from an Ivy League school's writing program. Upon discussion, when she found out that I too had a degree in creative writing, she decided that I should review her portfolio. I found this to be an honor given that writing can be a very personal art especially as people scrounge up the courage for critique before tromping off to the harsh world of publisher rejection. What I encountered was different to say the best.

Lesbian, unicorn, erotica. Three words that sum up the forty pages of single spaced, New Times Roman, twelve-point font she handed to me. For lesbian, unicorn, erotica I guess it wasn't bad. There were naked women, there were unicorns, there was coitus and a certain level of word play that only a cunning linguist could perform. But there were also rainbows. And except for a few occasions, serious literature rarely has unicorn and rainbows. The part that made it particularly bad that the it wasn't even stimulating to even the most deprived of onanist at the time.

So how does one create good (bad) erotica? Well, you don't include certain things such as unicorns.
In fact there could be a list of things that would be included under a category of unsexy places and characters to never include in a erotic short story. This isn't to say that these individuals don't copulate or people have not copulated in such places, but in a story it would never work.

  • Dentists
  • Sanitation Workers
  • Pig Styes
  • Tofu Manufacturing Plant
  • Alan Moore
  • STD Clinic
  • Rush Limbaugh
  • Gnomes
Now, there are a number of fantasy writers that draw from the world of mythology to create erotic beasts. Centaurs are sexy, even Walt Disney used this to his advantage in Fantasia. But unicorns, well, unicorns can only be tamed by a virgin. And this just amounts to an awkward first time.

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  1. I read a review of Lost Girls once, and even reading the review made me feel skeevy. Pretty much ever since that experience whenever I think of Alan Moore, I basically picture him jerking off in a Kohl's dressing room. It's a bad mental image.

  2. Yep...He is essentially a dirty old man. But I see him in a Payless Shoes, he is a bit of a fetishist.. It makes me think I could do better, or worse...

    In the realm of erotic writing, I don't think there is a clear delineation between the two.