Saturday, July 4, 2009


How are we going to independent if we can't speak properly? If we stutter and stammer over our own words and have to choke out our sentences making sounds like a tennis ball caught in a garbage disposal unit, we will never progress. Never progress as a person, never as a people, never as a nation.

And how are we going to be independent if we cannot borrow money from strangers through the postal service? Everyone needs that little bit of a financial boost so they can get their money rolling in. If someone could just slide me $500, I could make my prototype and then everyone would see my how my new invention will radically change the world.

Now selling that new invention, once that is done, I can pay off that loan. And then I will truly be independent. I will be free to sell my idea to the masses. For example, the B-string. The Bacon-G-String for all of the meat loving fetishists. People love bacon, people love foreplay, people love oral sex. Why not combine all of it into one treat. It will be genius. I know it will sell, now if I can only have $500 to make my prototype, find some models to show how it would work, and to run to focus groups, I can change the world.

And then I will make more than $1000 a month like the creepy bald man in the final advertisement in this sidebar. He was only selling fire extinguishers. Nothing cool about that.

Welcome to the true 'Merican Dream. Believing stupid stuff will make you independent.

Why? Because # Won ain't # too.

Happy Independence Day. Remember the Chinese invented fireworks, so every time you light one of those off, you are supporting un-'Merican activities and you are probably a communist. And if you blow off your fingers, you better be sure you are did so while trying to keep the Redcoats from making me live under the crown.
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