Thursday, July 23, 2009

Fun with Statistics: For the love of Tonya Harding

In Oregon, we love our local daughters. We take pride in the work and toil they go through to get to where they are. Native born, native blood, native pride. Nothing represents our what it means to be an Oregon woman more than Tonya Harding.

There is a simple mathematical and statistical proof that shows that she is the true representative of what this state has to offer. Like many other figures from this state, she brought new trends to the public eye. Before her, we never new about hiring hit men to rig the Olympics. Before her, celebrity sex tapes were never made public. Before Tonya, there was nothing. Except hope.

The math is simple. Tonya Harding= the Mean of the Sum of Portland Women + All women in the state of Oregon outside of Portland.

(Drive+Talent+Athletic Skill+Ambition)-(82nd Avenue+ Sandy Blvd.)*(Ice Skates)/(Gresham)*(Lack of Opportunity)*(Dying Logging Industry)*(White Trash+Hairspray+Truck Stops)= TH +/- a 9.5 score with the judges.
Perhaps it sounds like I am mocking her. This is not the case. Tonya Harding is a fighter. She is a champion in all of the true Oregonians' hearts. She was never pretty enough to be number one in America. We knew that. But like all true Oregonian, she knows how to get what she wants. Nothing is finer than this. The progressive immigrants to this state need to take a moment and remember our sainted mothers, and remember that this is she represents our states pilgrim heritage more than any hipster with a shoe fetish will any day.

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