Monday, June 10, 2013


So the Wonderful World of Clutter has no real shame any more…If it had shame, or dignity, it probably disappeared long, long ago when it decided to focus on taxidermy, strange pictures of museum exhibits, and sex education manuals from ages ago. Or when it was recently criticized for making fun of a mural that looked like Michael Jackson…or making fun of Esperanto Speakers…or Furries…or…well whatever comes to mind.  

Today, the WWoC decided to take a view of the Men of Billings through the skewed lens of Admittedly, being an individual with a profile on this site, it was a comparison of the competition. Was I worthy competitor in the ever changing landscape of…Ahem…insert onomatopoetic interlude…Bababbuuuuummmmm….ONLINE DATING???


For this regions standards…perhaps not.  As I measured up to the local men of Billings, I realize I lack certain Key Words to have a manly Billings profile. Such words include:
Laid Back; Fishing; Hunting; Country; Business; Video Games

For example quoting some of the local men found online without revealing user names we find gems like this:

I spend a lot of time thinking about Why lyfe can be so easy at times but then again can be some of the hardest things we deal wit

Other people have very specific requests they seek:

You should message me if The last one is kind of limiting... I'd like to find a nymphomaniac supermodel with slight sadomasicistic tendencies.

The men here have many special talents:

I’m really good at Im really good at procastenating, kissin, teasing, back massages , reading aloud, watching tv , problem solving, tantlizing foreplay ohh this can go on forever.

These gents however are quite honest:

The most private thing I’m willing to admit i have a high sex drive. its been a reason for past relationships ending. i want it to be known that though i do have a high sex drive the relationship will not just be about sex. if i tell a woman i love her i truly mean it

Needless to say, the online dating scene, with myself included, leaves a great deal to be desired in this town. I include myself, because I find I am no more sought than the numerous men who pose shirtless in front of bathroom mirrors, taking pictures with their camera phones as they stand in vulnerable to the world illuminated with the warm glow of 60 watt lights.