Friday, June 19, 2009

The Next Big Thing

I have a confession to make. I am tired of Zombies. Zombie movies, zombie proms, zombie comic books, zombie adaptations of classic literature and many other assorted zombie items and crap. I am equally tired of vampires. Mormon vampires, chaste vampires, conflicted vampires, vampires that fight for the side of good, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And I am also sick of Pirates. Pirate Bars, pirate mini-golf, Somali Pirates, and iron pyrite. And let's not forget Ninjas. So tired of them, I will not even list what I am tired of about them.

Why I am I so tired of Zombies, Pirates, Vampires, and Ninjas? Because they are everywhere! You can't throw a sharp object without wounding some kid dressed up as one of these individuals. They have taken the fear out of these once ominous entities and tamed them. And now Zombies are plush toys, Pirates are on national news, Vampires are morality films for kids, and Ninjas are being rapped about by Vanilla Ice.

What is needed is a new trend to scare America. For a while it was giant monsters, at other times disasters, aliens, and immigrants. Communism is not nearly as frightening as everyone thought it was decades ago. And I guess a horror film about socialized health care would work in the B-movie world of Ed Wood, but we really wouldn't talk about it around the water-cooler these days. Something that won't be mimicked for a few years. 

So what might be scary for the new today?

The following is my list of not really that scary things that are often featured in movies:
Nuclear War

Meat Packing Plants
Men with Chain Saws
Plagues, Illnesses, Tom Cruise, Diseases, and/or Open Sores
Sea Creatures
Machines Turned Evil and/or Technology Corrupted

Here is my list of things that might potentially work as truly scary things that can be the next national craze/fad that people can dress up as and throw theme parties for.:
Panda Bears with Secret Agendas
Promise Keepers
College Frat Boys with Ill Intentions
Droopy Faced Cowboys
DMV Employees

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