Sunday, May 3, 2009

An Open Letter to Mr. Grant Morrison

Dear Mr. Morrison,

I have loved your recent run on the Batman comic books and your Final Crisis comic series for DC. I am eagerly awaiting your new upcoming series stories for Batman & Robin.

Recently I was at my neighborhood bar and they were playing The Smiths. And after I spent a great deal of time mocking the band and the singer Morrissey I made the grandest realization that I wanted to share with you.

A little caveat first; whenever I hear Morrissey's voice, I see Muppets.  I don't physically see furry felt-covered puppets, as the child in The Sixth Sense saw "dead people" every where. They just kind of, well, pop, into my mind. And believe me, popping is the only way a Muppet can move. Maybe it is Mr. Morrissey's falsetto? Maybe it is the way his hair seems to stand up perfectly straight like the bristles on the shell of an agitated urchin. But I hear something that just isn't quite natural.

That being said, we can move on to the revelation of the century.

Using the song titles of singles released by the Smiths, a writer for Batman such as yourself, will never lack a story idea again. Or, if anything they will never lack a title for their next collection.

This is just from The Smith's "Singles" compilation that came out a while ago. Of course the italics are just my notes on how obvious the connection would be for a writer like you to make this work. Think of these little notes as ways to make a better Batman story.

1.Hand in Glove-- Well Duh...The past three years of your writing???
2. This Charming Man-- Maybe a piece on Dr. Hurt? Bruce Wayne? Alfred?
3. What Difference Does It Make?--Batman has one final crisis of faith in what he is doing before facing the evils of the world. 
4. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now-- This can be a story all Batman RIP, a whole Robin Dies at Dawn expose.
5. William, It Was Really Nothing--I see this as the start of a simple detective story
6. How Soon Is Now?--Second part featuring the stakeout
7. Shakespeare's Sister--Harley Quinn appears at the crime scene complicating matters
8. That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore--And of course the Joker makes his appearance.
9. The Boy With the Thorn in His Side--But if Harley Quinn is there, Poison Ivy there.
10. Bigmouth Strikes Again-- Umm...I don't know...make this one of your drug induced stories.
11. Panic--Batman is missing, OH CRAP!!!
12. Ask--Use the Question, but please don't make her part of some revamped Global Peace Agency.
13. Shoplifters of the World Unite--writes itself
14. Sheila Take a Bow--Does anyone know of a Batman character named Sheila?
15. Girlfriend in a Coma--Bruce Wayne has so many flings...pick one.
16. I Started Something I Couldn't Finish--Batman Meets the Wildstorm Universe
17. Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me--Superman, Wonder Woman, and the remaining members of the JLA have a private vigil for Batman.
18. There Is a Light That Never Goes Out--And this one is Solid Gold! Batman and Anthro sit by the fire last seen at the end of Final Crisis. Though pantomime Batman shares his legend and Anthro shares his. They paint on walls and wrestle a cave bear.

Of course there are so many more Smiths and Morrissey songs out there. "Meat is Murder," could be a feature on the serial killer Meat who really hasn't had much page time since Joker's Last Laugh. "The Last of the Famous International Playboys," is a perfect title for a comic about Bruce Wayne. "The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get," could be a mob story, a crime noir story, or just something damned creepy.

So Mr. Morrison, please thing about these titles.

And know that I would like to have some autographed copies of your work for these glorious ideas.

Thank you,

Wonderful World of Clutter.

No comments:

Post a Comment