Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Delaying Sexual Death...

In our modern world, there is no need to delay sexual death, for with modern medication, your sex life can be practically immortal. If it is dead, it can be resurrected like Frankenstein's monster with a couple of zaps of electricity with pretty much the same gruesome effects. 

Yes, sexual death occurs for everyone. Sometimes it happens swiftly; sometimes it is a slow drawn out process that we try to avoid with pills, porn, and/or prostitutes. According to this little diagram of sexual death, by 90 if your body isn't dead, your pecker probably is past its prime. But is there a way to stop this from happening? Can sexual death be halted?

Well, the illustration above doesn't really tell us how to accomplish such a task, so we must regard it as completely unhelpful. Instead, we have to turn to the best source of information out there tabloid media. It is a proven fact that there are no better ways to learn how to live than by learning by the unfortunate mistakes of celebrities. In this case,  we turn to the life lesson learned from actor David Carradine. If you want to delay sexual death, don't practice auto-erotic asphyxiation. Besides being a very unsexy way to go, auto-erotic asphyxiation really speeds up sexual death and, well, physical death. And in that case no one is a winner. 

Other than that...maybe you can eat oysters or something...I don't know. I think the joke on this post ran out about ten sentences ago. 
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