Saturday, April 3, 2010

Solipsism: The Greatest Super Power I Have Ever Invented

Courtesy of Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary:

Main Entry: so·lip·sism 
Pronunciation: \ˈsō-ləp-ˌsi-zəm, ˈsä-\
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin solus alone + ipse self
Date: 1874
: a theory holding that the self can know nothing but its own modifications and that the self is the only existent thing; also : extreme egocentrism
— so·lip·sist  \ˈsō-ləp-sist, ˈsä-ləp-, sə-ˈlip-\ noun
— so·lip·sis·tic  \ˌsō-ləp-ˈsis-tik, ˌsä-\ adjective
— so·lip·sis·ti·cal·ly  \-ti-k(ə-)lē\ adverb

Yes, I can safely state that solipsism is truly the greatest super power I have ever created. For in my own world, I am my own master and nothing will reign over me.

Of course I could have chosen a myriad of meta-human types of strengths or powers to proclaim myself superior to all other known entities, but why? Invisibility becomes pointless, super-speed redundant, invulnerability a waste of resources when the almighty power of solipsism takes hold. For with a mere thought, I rework the world to fit my needs. 

All of the social interactions I have through the day, they only exist because I designed them to exist. All of the trials and travails, all part of my greater scheme, something that you as a figment of my own fanciful created mind will only be privy to once I, the omnipresent narrator decides to reveal the truth. The truth being that my super power of solipsism has rendered the majority of your existence an practical joke on my part. 

Get it? Of course not. I have not given you the power to comprehend. But let me elucidate since I am a benevolent solipsist, and I believe that all individuals with super powers should give to the greater good. And since the greater good is myself, well, I should educate you for my own sake. 

Ah, the evil scientists and doubters of my super power will try to catch me in the reductio ad absurdum arguments by getting me to recant that my super power has super flaws, but they cannot win in this argument of wits. Because I have already anticipated people would doubt this philosophy. As a result, I have no patience or tolerance for other solipsist in my world. If there was another solipsist in my purposefully myopic universe, then we would battle like mad titans over a bowl of soup until that soup was cold and no longer palatable which is a scenario in which neither titan wins and, of course, in which the soup is lost. Ergo, only one Solipsist exists, I he is me. 

Since I am the grand fabricator of my world, your problems are my problems. And as a good super hero I will solve your problems. Perhaps, I will take a nap, and forget that you ever had problems and thus your problems will vanish. Or I will forget all about you, and of course, with you out of the picture, there will be no you to have problems. So everyone wins. 

I can arm wrestle Superman, I can out-will Green Lantern, ain't none of you can out do me.

Good day.

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