Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Long Time No Evil Monkey

Why would the matronly looking Proboscis Monkey be considered evil? Portrayed here, it seems docile, holding its young as it suckles simian milk of hair teat. But we have to think of societies' evils when we encounter this particular evil monkey--the evils of rhinoplasty and cocaine use. For this monkey fuels this billion dollar industry by its mere existence.

The little known secret life of the proboscis monkey will shock and disgust you. For unlike most monkeys, born with normal evil noses, this specimen actually pays high priced surgeons to enlarge the features of its face for vainglorious purposes. The proboscis monkey believes that by having a larger nose, they will be able to consume more more cocaine and thus become more fashionable. They will undergo the nose enlargement procedure up to four times  until their nose is so large, red, and painful, that only cocaine will call the chronic discomfort of being permanently disfigured. Fueled by this irrational sense of pride and dependency, this beast then hits the streets of Beverly Hills looking for the finest cocaine sold by Catholic school dropouts hoping to break into the movie industry.

The cycle of exploitation continues for months until the inevitable cocaine fueled burnout that comes with seeking fame and beauty. It is then that these monkeys seek the more insidious elements of the Home Depot Kabal, and illegal trade in beauty products. And for those of you who don't realize, each time you buy a bootleg dvd, you are actually supplying funds for the dirty drug habits of plastic surgery addicted monkeys.

Now, when you look at this picture, do you see the true face of evil? Do you? It's a vicious cycle of evil. 
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