Saturday, February 13, 2010

Candy Hearts? Gimme a Severed Head...

Anthropomorphic Valentine, circa 1950-1960Image via Wikipedia
History Lesson: Saint Valentine, there were a whole hell of a lot of them. There was the one who was a bishop, there was the one who was a priest, the was the one who went around talking about Jesus when the Emperor Claudius was hanging out in Rome when the Christians when Christians were about as popular as  rational thought at a Tea Party Rally...but I digress. 

Saint Valentine (plural), they all loved god more than anything else. So much so that flowers for girlfriends would never take priority. In fact, if one of these Valentines had a girlfriend, he probably never gave her any nookie, because, well, fornicating is a sin. And these Valentines had some serious bromance going for the G-man and Holy Baby J. In fact, the Valentine that we most associate with this upcoming holiday and this who love letter thing, wrote long love letters to god. Not only were these really long love letters, they also instructed all of us heathen plebeians how we should love the G-Man and Holy Baby J more than everything else.  Girls, does that just make you hot?

Well, in the end Valentine (actually a couple of Valentines) got their heads chopped off for being to gaga of God. And probably for being ultra annoying. 

So how do we honor this Saint? We buy chocolates. We buy silly cards. We paint everything pink...which isn't too far off given that red is the Catholic color for martyred saints. But in reality we should be sending less charming.

Is there a moral to this post? Not really. But perhaps we should mail little cut-outs of severed heads inscribed with biblical passages. Or perhaps you should ignore this recovering non-Catholic who attended a purgatories worth of Catholic education.

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