Authorship

Friday, August 26, 2011

Go West...

I am not big reader of poetry, but every time I look at these photos of Thunder Jack, I can't help but think of the following few words by the British poets collectively known as the Pet Shop Boys.

"Go West...
Life is peaceful there...
Go West...
In the open air...


Go West...
Where the skies are blue...

Go West...
This is what we're gonna do..."


I'm convinced that song is about America and its pioneer spirit. But the song might be about the hard working men of America...the men who need a break after a long day laboring at the various toils of manly duties out there in the manly world....

 

Men like police officers keeping the peace with their nigh sticks...
Men like bikers in shiny black leather cruising the streets late at night...


Men like cowboys riding bareback in lonely territory, a lariat at their side, longing for conversation.
Men like the chiseled construction worker unafraid to work with his shirt off on while riveting steel.


Men like the proud native warrior, who wrestled a bear once by himself and lived to tell the tail...
Men like our proud sailors and soldiers,  with a salute and a "Yes Sir," they do this country proud...


So perhaps the song is a bit of both...Maybe it is a tribute to America and maybe it is a tribute to our hard working men. I mean, it's not like the men above are all going to sit around a hot tub talking about the Golden Girls. These are real men here. Real American Men. Men who embody the spirit of the Pioneer West.

So Go West, young man. Go West...maybe to San Francisco. 

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Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Trip Back Home...

Today, is a day of introspection for me. I am back in Bozeman, safe and sound. And I really couldn't have been more eager to return to a town even though I generally mock this place at every instance.

In tribute to my automobile crash, the fact that I am here, and that today is my birthday of all things, I decided to post the following photo set of the trip back home. You will soon notice there is a theme...


Taking inspiration from the amazing signage art on the business right next door to the motel I ended up stranded at for two nights, I decided to pay tribute to the life of my old vehicle. 


This is the hospital that took care of me once I realized I had a concussion. Great people and great nurses at this facility in Browning. 



In Bynum, Montana, we stopped and met the world's largest dinosaur. In fact, we met quite a few dinosaurs.




In Choteau, many more ancient reptilian thunder beasts anticipated my trip homeward.


And yes, the salvaged plate is upside-down in many of these. I blame the mild traumatic brain injury...



Until finally, I reached home base. 

I want to thank Amy for taking these amazing pictures and for being an amazing person for picking me up in the middle of nowhere.


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Friday, August 19, 2011

On a Considerably Lighter Note...

In the "There's a Desperate Need for an Apostrophe Department File" I present to you:

Bears Hump.


Whether the author of this well illustrated sign meant "Bear's Hump," or not, I may never know. Perhaps it is just a warning to the hikers, especially since the cyclists and the horseback riders have obviously been stricken from the record. Or perhaps the sign indicates that bears have a tendency to seek coitus with hikers as opposed to those humans seeking equestrian or bicycle transportation. 

Or simply it is a declaration of love. That bears just like to do it in the woods.

So many questions remain because a little diacritic is possibly absent. Is it "Bears Hump?" or "Bear's Hump?" Which goes along quite well with the age old question about whether bears shit in the woods (if you didn't know...they do) and the other question asking if the Pope is Catholic. Of course the Pope would probably not condone bears humping unless they were properly wedded, but that is another post for another time. 


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Thursday, August 18, 2011

My Birthday Vacation Ended Quickly...

Quick note...
I am fine, save for a few bruises. However, I am counting my blessings. The sheriff, highway patrol officer, border patrol officer, state trouper, Black Feet tribal officer, paramedics, and tow truck driver all were in agreement that I am lucky to have walked away from this accident. 

That is all.

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Sunday, August 14, 2011

Four Month Update...

I just realized that today it has been four months since I left Portland and officially began my new life as a nursing student in a new town. And while I typically avoid biographical blog posts and their emotive tendencies, I thought I would take just a few moments to reflect upon my few month's here in Bozeman and sum them up with two videos.

You probably are familiar with the song, so I feel no need to give them an introduction. However, you may not be familiar with both versions of the music video. 

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<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/XDdlHmzIdn8?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

So why these two videos? Because they represent Bozeman perfectly. Bozeman is a town that has one leg stuck in the west and its other leg head shoved up its ass.

Bozeman has this strange desire to maintain its completely absent and dead western heritage. This entails doing a few things:
  • Having galleries that have only paintings of horses and bronze sculptures of buffalo.
  • Playing bluegrass everywhere.
  • Driving oversized vehicles
On the contrary, Bozeman also wants to be as urban as possible. This leads to a comical confluence of nouveau riche sporting cowboy hats driving Jaguars looking for a campsite that has electrical outlets for their satellite television set that they brought to watch in their tent. We have people who put on perfume or cologne to go for a trail run. Or, as shown in the two videos above, people who insist that fiddles, Eurotrash dance beats, and auto-tuning are a great combination. 
I used to think that Portland was a land of contradictions until I moved out here. But alas, this is home for for twelve more months. I will survive. But please understand, if I end up moving to the woods living like the Unibomber, you now know the reasons why.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Fight Night!

The things I love in this world are quite simple. I love taxidermy. I love squirrels. I love tiny displays and dioramas. I love cheese as well. And I love it when all of these things are combined, well, except for the cheese part. Imagine my joy when I came across this display in the Free Museum in Virginia City, Montana, where not one, but two mounted squirrels were displayed in a tiny diorama depicting them as little anthropomorphic boxers!



Yes, a true battle of the species--Red Squirrel versus Grey Squirrel. 


It reminds me of this plan that I had years ago...I wanted to have an army of stuffed squirrels. I would have at least one hundred and four stuffed squirrels dressed up in various military uniforms all armed with little squirrel sized riffles, shotguns, laser cannons, and the sort.  And these stuffed squirrels would be placed at strategic places within whatever house I ended up owning, in case an intruder ever broke in. The way I saw it, at least at the time, this would the ultimate home protection system. And it would be much better than having you normal alarm system, because any burglar who broke into the house and saw a brigade of pissed off heavily armed squirrels would panic and immediately flee. 

I often brought up my army of squirrel idea to my friends; they would shift the subject to something more timely often asking whether I had eaten that day, if I was getting enough sun, had taken any medication, slept properly, or if I had recently left my apartment during the daytime. I found out that bringing up the squirrel army on dates, was never a good option as well. At first it would prompt laughs, but the inevitable, "You're serious, aren't you?" question would come up and the inevitable awkward silence and the fumbled goodbye that promptly followed. If only they knew. 

But here, as an artifact to Montana's history, we see that Fighting Squirrels serve a purpose. And has this museum ever been robbed? I didn't ask, but my theory may hold up...

Friday, August 5, 2011

Comic Book Nerdery: DCnU and the Multiverse

On August 31st, DC Comics will relaunch (pardon me, "Reboot") their entire line of superhero comics starting with 52 brand new issues. Word in the comic book reading community, i.e., nerds like me, have called this move "Daring...," "Unprecidented...," "Groundbreaking...," "Incredibly Stupid...," among many other choose word that I would type out using while holding the shift key and repeatedly hitting random numbers.

But what is this really all about? I have my guesses and I think I should share them with you. So I will. So there.

As some, maybe a few,  of you may know, I have been a obsessive reader of DC's comics treatment of the multiverse. To explain this concept would take quite a bit of time and bore the average reader to death, but to summarize it works like this. Over 75 years of printing stories, different iterations of the same characters were created--until in the 60s we ended up with two distinctly different versions of the same characters seeing print. This represented a divide in the era of comics, a golden to a silver age. Golden Age Superman was the first, classic representation of the character; The Silver Age Superman was the newer modern version. Essentially they looked the same, had similar histories, but there were slight differences. Other characters where more distinct between their classic contemporaries; the Flash and Green Lantern looked and few parallels between the characters whom they had taken their names.

So a solution was created...The Multiverse. All of the old, original characters were moved to a separate earth where all of there stories took place; the modern contemporary characters had their own earth. Every once in a while Flash 1 and Flash 2 would meet up kick ass and then move back to their respective worlds. This continued on and on and on. And the multiverse grew, Earth 3 came filled with the opposites of everything, bad was good, good was bad; Earth X had Nazi's win the war, Earth 90210 was filled with whiny privileged youth.

It became quite cluttered, something I truly love. But for most people this was a confusing stew of repeated character names and convoluted plot lines that made little sense.

So they created the crisis. THE CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS.


As a side, I believe this is one of the most important comic books ever created, but it is dense. And without this backstory, it kind of makes no sense. Cutting to the end of the story, all of those multiple earths I spoke of earlier...gone. Poof. Condensed into one universe. 

But because comic book readers love continuity in stories, and certain characters remained, we had to have follow-up fix-it stories. Zero Hour: Crisis in Time which was a story line that remade time and history started over from the big bang, nothing was ever the same again, sort of, kind of, well, actually, nothing really changed all that much.  I thought it was cool. Other readers hated it. 

Then came Infinite Crisis, which was kind of like Crisis of Infinite Earths, but instead of imploding the multiverse, the un-imploded the multiverse. And yes, I mean un-imploded because exploding this would have been disastrous...think of the DC Universe the was it was after the "First Crisis" as one of those bread in a tube containers you see in the cold sections of your grocery store. If the bread tube explodes, it is a bad thing, but if you unseal it properly, you have happy universes...I mean crescent rolls. Infinite crisis, the bread in a tube crisis, is often called the "Middle Crisis" by some. Now we could officially have multiverse stories again. But rarely did they occur. However, instead of a vast infinite list of worlds, we were left with only 52 known universes. 



A few years ago, the Third Crisis came, the Final Crisis. This is the most meta-textual book out of all, and while I love it as well. It confused a lot of people so I won't dive into the details. All you need to know is that it was the Third Crisis, the aftermath involved time time travel. And now we have Flashpoint and subsequently the New 52.

Long lead up to a little bit of speculation. But here is what I think is going to happen in the world of DC comics. While there is a great deal of conversation about the DC universe being rebooted a handful of titles will not change their story lines and will continue on the same trajection for the foreseeable future. However book to book contradictions present a continuity glitch that might only be reasoned by all of these stories happening on unique worlds. 

Here are some pieces of information gleaned over the past few months:
  • In an interview about Flashpoint: Project Superman, Gene Ha let slip that the story took place on Earth M an unknown Earth of the multiverse.
  • All solicits for the new Justice League book feature Hal Jordan as the Green Lantern. However, for those following current Green Lantern stories, it is known that he is no longer the GL of Earth.
    • Green Lantern books are not being "rebooted" in the same sense of the other stories as writers have stated. The aftermath of recent stories will be followed through that collection of titles.
    • Following this logic we have two versions of Hal Jordan, one who is a Green Lantern, one who is not, potentially roaming at the same time.
  • Batman Stories are continuing in the same story arc, most importantly the Leviathan story that Grant Morrison has been writing in Batman, Inc. will be continued on next year as a twelve part miniseries. 
    • Batgirl is rebooted. She is younger and can walk. Oracle probably doesn't exist.
    • Batwing is a new title and character from Batman, Inc. who will tie more directly into the Morrison story line and will probably play through to its logical conclusion.
    • Two problems, Oracle has played a part in the Batman, Inc. stories, as well as the current Batgirl, who will now seemingly lose her title. 
    • Red Robin is now back to being a Teen Titan, in some strange incarnation, where he previously had worked with Batman. But he seems very removed from his current past.
  • Superman is the first superhero of earth.
  • If Superman is the first super hero, what happened to all of the previous heroes?
    • The JSA is absent from current history.
    • The All-Star Squadron is Absent.
    • What happened to the Crimson Avenger who is purported to be the very first superhero?
  • Contradicting the idea that Superman was the first superhero of earth, we have Etrigan the Demon, and the Seven Demon Knights. These characters stories take place in the middle ages. 
  • Hints to a title-wide conspiracy have been made by the editors of DC. This seems to allude to a new "Crisis" type event coming in the future. 
  • Grant Morrison will eventually publish "Multiversity," his exploration of the DC Multiverse.
  • We also have the ever so confusing Legion titles.
    • One takes place in current continuity not entirely certain though which version of the Legion it is out of the 3 we have been left with as of late.
    • Legion Lost takes place "in their past" which is our present (told you, confusing). Which could mean the past of the new universe or the past of the current continuity.
Okay, so there is a lot of information. But here is how I think it all resolves itself. Green Lantern and Batman stories take place on "New Earth," the world spawned from Infinite, dough in a can, Crisis. Superman and Batgirl, and potentially Justice League take place on a new Earth 1, which will be a fallout from Flashpoint. New Earth-1 will be a shinier, less gritty place.  Given the lack of WWII heroes, who played a defining role in DC Comics continuity, I believe that they must exist somewhere. The only logical place would be Earth-2. 

And that is about all of the nerdery that I can type out for the night.


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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Model Americans: Buffalo Jumps

If you drive through Montana, Wyoming, or head through any of the plains states, you may see a number of signs indicating presence of "Buffalo Jumps." Being a naive individual from the Pacific Northwest were Loggers, Hipsters, and the occasional orca might be the only wildlife we encounter, I was unfamiliar with this phenomena.

In my mind, Buffalo Jumps evoke images of spring lambs bounding in the fields, however, the majestic, yet lumbering bison seems less likely to pop up and down across the the grassy plains of America as their ovine cousins.

Fortunately, while strolling through a county museum on one of my random jaunts, I happened upon a a museum diorama that explained everything so it made perfect sense.


The buffalo jumps were one of the prime hunting tools of the Native Americans of the plains. When herds of would near, they would round them up and then drive them toward a near cliff. The stampede of animals would then plow over the precipice, not necessarily dying, but breaking their legs and finding themselves severely immobilized. Hunters at the bottom of the cliff would wait and then finish off the kill.


Hunting by this method would be extremely effective, energy efficient, and considerably safer than stalking and animal.


And if you were lucky, you could be the spooky guy sitting on the ledge of the cliff watching the buffalo fall instead of doing the dirty work.

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Monday, August 1, 2011

Grrrrrrrrr.

Fact: Being in Montana has made is slowly making me a more rugged man. This is evidenced by the accompanying picture of me, looking like a vicious grizzly bear. Next week, I shall be killing deer with my bare (bear?) teeth.


Next blog post...video of me breaking into a car looking for a pic-a-nic basket and then mauling an unsuspecting trail runner. God I hate trail runners. 

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