Monday, March 5, 2012

Making Dating Easier Since 1878

Let's face it, modern courtship rituals suck.

No one really knows what the hell they are doing any more. So we rely on advise columns, personal sites,  and a the assistance of friends to try to set us up with people they know to help us meet other people that might possibly make a potential hopeful match that won't leave us in desperate heart-broken ruin.


So yeah, let's turn back the clock a little bit and do it the way our great-grandparents did it. Well, actually, I think my great-grandparents were arranged for a swapping of rice paddies but who knows in the Meiji era of Japan, but let's not get too far off track.

So…ummm…let's do it like your grandparents did it. You know the courtship thing.

And to all of you who might think that this is a good excuse to get all "steampunk" because the the year 1878 is mentioned--unplug your computer, turn off the power, take your computer to the closest bridge and throw it over that bridge…then jump off after the bridge. Steampunk is an excuse for goth kids to not bathe and listen to circus music.

Now back to the rules. I am certain that there were many more that could be added to this list. Perhaps, something along the lines of, I don't know, "Actually walked part of the Oregon Trail didn't play the Apple II game" or "Kills wolverines with bare hands."

Since I am in the great state of Montana and given I haven't been on a date in Goddamned long time, I am going to adopt these rules (plus the Wolverine killing with bare hands clause) to see if this improves my social standing in this hamlet during my remaining six months in this town.  I figure I can keep my feet off of piano stool and I can pay up for my kerosene.

If someone wants to supply me with bear oil, I will make sure none it gets onto anyone's walls. And once I find myself a wolverine, that sucker is gonna be strangled.
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