Sunday, January 8, 2012

Today in Awkward Mannequin Poses…or…I found D.B. Cooper

Hey! Look everyone! I found D.B. Cooper…

I am pretty much convinced that this country's most notorious/mysterious thief-a-la-sky-diver didn't land in the woods of Oregon as everyone suspected, but was found in a condition as this poor mannequin propped up on somebodies wall somewhere in a collection of stuff.

There is pseudo-scientific evidence for this: Mr. Cooper jumped out of a plane at an extremely high altitude without a properly pressurized suit that most sky-divers use today. My assumption is that his body freeze-dried on its descent. And while he did jump out over the Oregon/Washington area, given that there was a storm that night, it is probably that the air currents kept him aloft long enough to continue this freeze-drying process. The air currents at such high altitude would have also been able to blow D.B. Cooper over to the Montana region, where he is hanging on display today.

If anyone has seen the documentary film, "UP" then they should understand how air currents can blow things as simple as houses held up by balloons extremely far off course. The parachute essentially acted as a giant kite.

No knowing the provenance of this fugitive, the people who found this freeze dried man in a parachute rightfully decided to change his clothes to something more patriotic and to place him on display in a WWII tableau.

And thus, one of our greatest mysteries is solved.
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