Delays in Updating...

Dear Readers:

My sincerest apologies for not updating the Wonderful World of Clutter sooner than this time, but I have been exceptionally busy. Busy with what, you might ask? Well, I am about to finish my BSRN and make progress toward being the most awesome nurse with a mustache ever…actually probably second in line to the  ER nurse who looked like Kurt Vonnegut at St. Patrick's Hospital in Missoula, but we can strive.

So basically, in seven days, I add one more degree to my academic belt…Start prepping for boards, and then return home.

That is all.

Sincerely,
Wonderful World of Clutter

Something...

Getting past the first draft is always the biggest challenge. And as I have been looking back at some early writings as of late, there are a slew of old docs, character sketches, notecards, and drafts that never quite got off the ground.

There was the essay about spending 6 weeks in a karaoke bar, examining the culture, the patrons, and the inevitable mental collapse that comes with hearing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" sung 9 times by the same person in the same week--2 drafts then archived. A lost short fiction piece about a science teacher and the doubts he faces when his students accidently set part of an auditorium on fire during a demonstration he was leading--1 draft. The first chapter I wrote for my master's thesis went through 10 revisions before I decided I was ready to submit it to my committee with the other chapters.

And now I present to you this.

Very rarely does the Wonderful World of Clutter get an edit. I guess only when I spot a completely awkward sentence after posting or once I spot a glaring typo will I fix things. That said, when I look back at what I have written here over the past year plus, I realize there must be some completely unreadable dreck out there. And so for that, I apologize the way politicians do. Mistakes were made, I will try to correct them in the future. Someone will be held accountable.

See now all better.

Now that we have all of that emo crap out of the way, I want to tell you what type of posts we have coming up.  There will be religious art, there will be phalluses and fallacies, pamphlets and books, ephemera and more. And then there is the 300th post, which is kind of a milestone, or something.

Antiversary

Image by yotambientengosuperpoderes via Flickr

Well, the one year anniversary of the Wonderful World of Clutter was supposed to be a crowning moment of glory and achievement. But instead I am filled with piss, vinegar, bile, and a certain type of acid that corrodes the corners of the mouth when I spit.

However, there are lessons to be learned, some from the past week, some from the past year's worth of entries.

• Lesson 1: Never piss off a resourceful minority, especially when he has a handlebar mustache.
• Lesson 2: Don't imply that I am incapable of critical thinking.
• Lesson 3: Never question the power of the NAACP.
• Lesson 4: The Judgement Night Soundtrack is great anger management music, even if it gave birth to the worst genre of music ever conceived.
• Lesson 5: When in doubt, ask "What Would Lobo Do?"
• Lesson 6: Dignity is always found on a bronze statue.
• Lesson 7: Wash, Rinse, Retreat.
• Lesson 8: Bigots are not the only evil thing out there, for monkeys are always evil.
• Lesson 9: Hey I joined Twitter...You should add me...there is a link to the side of this page.
• Lesson 10: Furries are a scary. Nuff said. 
• Lesson 11: Never overlook the significance of a discarded scrap of paper.
• Lesson 12: If all else fails there is always taxidermy school.

So in closing this the first year of Wonderful World of Clutter, I feel it best to leave behind some of the vitriol while retaining the fire that keeps me motivated.  Thus I present two of my inspirations in life, Sifl and Olly. And while they sing the praises of Laser Eyes, I will keep my Laser Vision burning. Burning like 103 really hot suns. So there.

The Blessing of Bigots...

Presented for your approval is an unmodified letter from the graduate school that recently rejected me from their program. I have made no changes to their letter.

Patrick,

I will let the Graduate School know you want your file retained for review in January for 2011-entry. 

We do not do final rankings or waitlists for the AEM UP program, so that information is not available.  From what I can tell, it looks like one of the primary reasons for your not being admitted had to do with your interviews.  There was concern about your science grades, but the interviewers reported having a difficult time pulling answers from you and that you had a “circular speech” style.  Linear, clear, quick, critical speech and thinking is an absolute must for nurses and there was some concern about your communication skills.  It was noted that you would likely make a good nurse, but that you may not be suited for the leadership role you would be ultimately be expected to assume as a CNL.  So, I think it ultimately came down to “fit” for the program, nursing and CNL, a not really your academic record.  Also, we only had about 8 seats left in the program by the time you were interviewed, so the applicants who met every single admission requirement andhad stellar interviews were selected for admission. 

I hope this helps you understand our decision.

Thanks.

-Stacey.

Well? What to say? Let me begin with why I applied to this school's program. I am not a scientist; I am a student with a writing background, an ethics minor, with a long history of blue collar work, and a firm belief in working as a nurse for the sake of helping people. Nursing is not an job, it is a passion; it is a duty filled with hard work, emotion, and difficult choices. I believe in the power of narrative, that nurses should be able to talk to all people on all levels. On paper, the school I applied to wanted students with life experience, who came to the choice of nursing not out of necessity for a career, but wanted to do so out of a sense of compassion and duty. 

But why the claim of bigotry? I don't pull out the race card very often, but when sitting with my interview group and looking at the photographs of previous classes, it is apparent that the school wants a certain type of student--White, early twenties, women, or men who are tall, aryan, and fit the new Christian army model. As an Asian with a handlebar mustache, I don't look like them. I don't think like them. I don't talk like them. But that doesn't mean I would not be a successful student in their program.

What is "Circular Speech?" This is something that I find to be a nebulous answer to me as a request for a critique. There is time to give direct "Yes or No" responses. And there are times to tell a story. If someone wants to know about me and how I think, especially as a candidate, a story is how I will convey my information. The path won't be linear. The critical thinking skills are there, which the letter implies are absent. But it makes me question their intent--do they want people who are successful nurses, or exceptional middle managers? A successful nurse should be able to communicate with a wide variety of patients, from the youngest of children to the senior citizens of all walks of life. This is an accomplishment I have met with much acclaim. But since I didn't get on my knees and give these administrators blowjobs I am out of luck.

I am a story teller, and I believe that nurses should be able to convey information to patients in a variety of methods. When asked about my leadership style, I told them that I don't believe in being a dictator, that I don't believe in strolling blindly into a situation and delegating tasks to individuals with more experience than me. I believe in discovering peoples strengths and weaknesses and finding out what they want from a leader. Do they want an advocate or an administrator? A dictator or a delegator? But of course this didn't matter.

Let me present a hypothetical. Let's say that an individual who didn't speak English as their first language was interviewed as a candidate. Try as they might, they may fumble over their words, use cultural idioms that don't make sense to Americans, and struggle with the linear answers required of them. Why, because different cultures process information in a different manner. I come from a tradition of story tellers. The aphorism, the fable, and the morality play have been how I learn. When talking to my former patients about the complex experiments they participated it, I could prattle on and on about binaural processing, signal to noise ratios, noise cancellation, phase differences, or I could break it down to something very understandable, "You're going to listen to the sounds of Pong for science, but it gets tricky. Here's what we are looking for..."

One of my interviewers stated she had not reviewed my file in three weeks. How do I respond to any questions from a person who makes a statement like this when they haven't taken the time to find out about me as an applicant? From the look on her face, she made me seem like a burden. I hate nothing more than to waste someone's time. If she had taken the time to read my essay, to look at my MAT scores, to see the diversity of my resume, and the letters of recommendation, I think they would have found me a unique applicant that broke their mold that would have expanded the needs of their program. 

So what does institutionalized prejudice look like? It looks like this. It's hard to see, as most glass ceilings are, but when you hit it it hurts as much as it hurts when you slam into a brick wall. If you have not experienced racism or discrimination first hand, then the subtleties of the letter may be elude you. But the case of bigotry rings strong in my ears.

What will be interesting is how the deans of the graduate school when I send the above and my commentary. 

Progress...

This is what happens at age 30...

Wow...man...

Here's to more of it...what ever it is. I think...

ABC it's easy as RIP

Okay, so we have all heard it on the news today, on the radio, on the internet, and probably over the water cooler.

Eleven years ago today Jacques Cousteau died. It was such a loss. And of course we forgot about it. No one bothers to do anything to remember or honor his death. No one going on special dives with the fishes in the Great Barrier Reef.

Alas, we are at a loss.

Oh and some pop singer died too. I think he looked like the guy in the picture below. But I am not quite certain. I haven't had a television for close to ten years and my vehicle doesn't have a radio so I feel somewhat cut off from the world at times. I feel like I might be sleeping in an oxygen tank or on some kind of never-never land with a bunch of lost children at times.

Oh well.


 

Farewell Michael Jackson, You were Bad, and we knew it. You were a smooth criminal as well. A speed demon too. You held us like the River Jordan and looked at us like the man in the mirror...

May the you find peace from the tabloids and from asshole hecklers like me who post tasteless satire such as this poking fun at your long and cut-so-short career.

Thus Far...

I have managed to offend Vegans, Players of Tetris, and Speakers of Esperanto.

Can I have a HECK YEAH!

Anyway, let me note:

Esperanto: The language has only a thousand or so native speakers, the language was invented in 1891, consider it a crazy fad.

Vegans: you aren't getting the proteins you need, consider it a crazy fad.

Tetris: Video games + people who reference said video game for self-help purposes= bad bad bad, consider a crazy fad.

Anyway, The Wonderful World of Clutter will be sure to offend more and more people down the road. But be sure to note, the author does so with kindness. He even bares his soul in silly ways, poking fun at himself by showing what a stupid child he was. A stupid child who couldn't draw and/or write. The author was a stupid ugly baby. Ugly. Ugly. Stupid ugly baby.

So there.

And I will leave you with a little picture of someone doing target shooting in Montana.

un-edited writings from an old blog...

Once Again I have mined the caverns of the an ancient brog and found this odd rambling about books that I read a few years ago and the knowledge that I tried to spread from their printed words. Yes, in hindsight I do realize that I was off kilter... But let's appreciate these relics of past mistakes. 


For more about the auroch, the weird bull-beast of the Bavarian forest, read the The Ghost with Trembling Wings: Science, Wishful Thinking and the Search for Lost Species.

 Historical Post #2

We should be a terrified people. No, I am not trying to be apocalytpical in my views, but shit is scary. And i mean the actual physical excrement we create. Viruses, bacteria, living organisms passed from person to person. It makes me think, I should really wash my hands more often.

I just read A Field Guide To Germs, and realize that there are so many things that are just plain icky and I keep going back to think about them.

Two things come to mind, one is that if the proper conditions exist, certain bacteria could multiply to an amount that would equal the mass of the earth. But bacteria, even though we are making them resistant to numerous drugs do to overuse, are really quite fragile. Ultra Violet light will destroy some, molds another, and different ones don't like heat or oxygen.

But this is all just silly. There isn't going to be a time when a giant blob of bacteria rolls into our fair cities to eclipse the sun.

So now, I move on to a more important debate that has been going on for some time. Is Superman bullshit or not? I am of the type that says, Superman is not bullshit.

Here are a few reasons:

Superman was created by two Canadian Jews. Thus Superman is Jewish.

And Metropolis is actually modeled off of the city of Toronto. So those of you confused by the Gotham/Metropolis difference, there is no need to worry, the dirty gang-ridden city is based on something American.

And, well Superman is an alien. And a Jewish Alien means that he, not only had to be circumcized (by some means), there is an intelligent designer and he has to be alien, and not created by earthmen, let alone a god, thus Christianity is all bunk. My vote goes to the idea that Krypton actually was god, and that Marlon Brando was the father of the Messiah like figure that was Superman, and through all of this Marlon Brando should be prayed to much in the way that Catholics venerate the Virgin Mary.

This runs like my logic on how to become a genius: People believe Nietzsche was a genius, Nietzsche's genius was attributed to his madness, his madness was caused by syphilis; ERGO, in order to become a genius, I must contract syphilis. Don't forget the Uber Mensch of his writings. And hell, he even ran with an extremely bigotted German, Wagner, until he thought his mentor was completely off base with his ideas of German Nationalism, inspiring hitler...and so on and so on. So Superman and fascism couple like two teenagers necking in a station wagon for the first time, confused and awkwardly.

Next direction to take this: the Auroch. The Auroch is a long extinct ancestor of modern cattle. But imagine the grandfather of your burger (boca is fine in my mind, but doesn't work with this thought experiment), being 3 times larger than your normal bull. And with huge horns. And with a temper. The cave paintings of Lascaux show people hunting the Auroch wiht spears. It was a scary creature. Now what does this  have to do with germs, Superman, and Crazy Germans? Retro-breeding of animals to a bring more primitive strain, to revive a long extinct cow. Yes, in Wagner's/Hitler's view of the world, not only would the Aryans dominate the world, the Black Forrest would be populated by animals that were originally found there. I forget the scientist's name but he worked on early genetic manipulation, the way most civilised people do it, by cross-breeding animals for specific traits. He wanted a ferocious bull that spat fire, he got a cow that kind of looked like the cave paintings. Basically, this isn't that crazy, but all of your heirloom tomatoes were created by similar means.

The good news, do not infect humans, or at least I have not found a case of one yet, but i might be wrong. But disease is often caused by unwashed vegetables fertilized with "night soils." However, Syphilis, the dreaded Pox will only grow in human within the human body, therefore, you might catch typhoid or typhus (different diseases), from your organic tomatoes but you won't become a genius eating them.

Following more tangential thoughts, if I remember correctly, some famous Brit writer, I can't remember who, roughly stated in effect "Syphilis, everyone has it. Big Deal."

Ah but we are no longer cool with VD or Geniuses anyway. Nor are people cool with indestructable people with a sense of ethics. As people have often told me that Superman is bullshit.

And since everyone else is bitching about it. It has been hot. Though, I have been working outside almost everyday it has hit that over-hundred mark, and people in switch from complaining about rain to complaining that we need rain.  I think that is one of the great contradictions that I love about this city.

Can you tell I am living a very boring life?

Eh, well, whatever.

On a more positive note...

In regards to two of my recent posts, I want to send out apologies.

I am not a hater of people who are non-natives of Portland. Nor am I anti-vegan, or against my neighborhood vegan grocery store.

Those two posts were written fairly close after a recent surgery, and, well, writing a pain pills are never an eloquent combination. All literary cliches considered, they just don't work.

Excuses aside, if I offended, in this instance, I apologize. 

So here is a picture of a giant fiberglass bull: