Do Mermaids Dream of Electric Eels?

Mermaids are real.

They are at least real in Florida...
And in Great Falls, Montana.

When you think about it, almost anything is real in Florida. They've had Zombies, Super Storms, Hanging Chads. So why can't mermaids be real in Florida.

If you wish to encounter these sirens, all you have to do is go to Weeki Wachee Springs State Park . Yes, it is a state park run but the state of Florida with Mermaids. It does beg the question, are mermaids state employees? State park rangers typically are considered state government employees, so do Mermaids get state benefits?

Living life underwater is hard. One should hope these Menfolk have at least a union. And eating seafood all day, one would hope that those benefits included dental (Have you ever tried to crack open a clam shell using only your teeth?).

In Montana, however, making a living as a mermaid is much more challenging. Not only do they have to survive in a swimming pool sized tank and harsh Montana winters, they have to survive on the dollar bills strangers tape to their enclosure. These mermaids are obviously not state employees. 

Sometimes the Montanan Mermaids try to break through their tanks they can swim to safer, warmer waters in Florida. These mermaids dream of dental plans and dancing with manatees as any self-respecting mermaid should. 

So remember, when you pay your taxes in Florida, you help keep a mermaid from going on aquatic welfare.

Mannequin...But More Real

The film Mannequin is a work fine art rarely appreciated in our hustle and bustle contemporary lives. I consider it to be a wonderful documentary in the same lines as factual films like Independence Day and 2012. In the documentary, Andrew McCarthy falls in love with a show room dummy who happens to be Kim Cattrall before she was not made of plastic, silicone, and Botox. Zany things happen, there are magic necklaces, a guy named Hollywood who had great sunglasses, and there is more importantly love. It's a simple factual story with a simple factual plot. 

Blah, blah, blah, et cetera. 

So the thing that isn't known about the factual documentary Mannequin (and the follow-up documentary Mannequin: On the Move) is that the movie is really based on mannequins of workers in Northern British Columbia. 

Yes, Canadians.

So in Canadian museums, late a night, human figures made of cloth and nylon, stuffed into traditional clothing come to life in small town museums. 

In fact these two individuals roam around drinking Molson's and maple syrup. There really isn't any love story happening with these two individuals. But the love of lumberjacking and fishermanliness is all that needs to happen in the cold cedar forests of the northern woods. 

No magic necklaces are needed to wake these two Mannequins, all the magic is in the Canadian wilderness.

Rocks of Ages

Nothing amuses me more than roadside attractions. Religious themed roadside attractions become an added bonus for me as they seem to rarer and rarer finds.

On the road south to Red Lodge, Montana, is a decaying spot called Pathway Thru the Bible. This walk through rock garden is reminiscent of the Petersen Rock Garden outside of Bend, Oregon, but with none of the grandeur and much more proselytizing.

One would actually miss Pathway if they didn't have a keen eye trained to the road. Trees practically cover the hand-painted sign indicating that some stop even exists here. Nothing really states much about who built it or why. Well, why they built it is pretty obvious…teach about the bible…through walking through ambiguously organized rocks. But it still remains mysterious. 

As I strolled through the grounds, a woman with a weedwhacker hacked down grasses off in the distance on the property. While normally I would stop and converse with the property owners of such establishments, I figured I would take pictures and let this woman manicure her property as I wandered around without being acknowledged.

It is hard to tell whether this rock garden really saw better days or not. It didn't have the aura of outsider art or the craftsmanship of a planned tourist attraction. If anything, it felt like a forced Sunday school project--something kids were subjected to build begrudgingly when egg crates and cotton ball mangers weren't enough.

I wonder though…Where did the abalone shells come from in Montana?

And of all of the scenes to depict here for a walk through of the bible, was it really necessary to have Lot's Wife as a Pillar of Salt depicted? It seems like some more inspirational things could have been presented. Perhaps it was just a the best use of the medium at hand.

Seal Rock You Like A Hurricane.

One of my absolute road signs in Oregon is in the coastal town of Seal Rock. With little more to say about it I present a picture of me standing in front of that sign...Please note, I have been sick and also refuse to look amused in photographs.

I Stood Before Giants...

But now...

I am a little taller than I was in these pictures...

We need more places like The Trees of Mystery.

And that is all...

RUNNNNN!!!

The sleepy town of O'Brien, Oregon doesn't have much in it. There is a general store with a couple of restrooms off to the side...and OH MY GOD!!! THERE'S A GIANT FLY!!!

And the restrooms run on septic...or maybe they are just deluxe port-o-potties. I don't recall. BECAUSE THERE WAS A GIANT GODDAMNED FLY!

And that is about it.

Uncanny Valley...Meet the Uncanny Canyon

When I lived in Southern Oregon, I was quite familiar with the Oregon Vortex in Gold Hill. This place, like many other vortices dotting the US consists of a shack on a hill and a bunch of perception blurring "anomalies" where objects seem to roll up hill.

When I came across this picture of the Uncanny Canyon, I was intrigued. What is he likelihood of two gravitational sinkholes existing in Oregon within a seventy-five mile radius of each other? And why didn't I know about this Uncanny Canyon?

Well, much like Pixieland, Thunderbeast Park, and a handful of other tourist attractions this one went the way of the proverbial passenger pigeon, destroyed by man. The Vortex List has a scant bit of history on this location. Apparently, when the Lost Creek Reservoir was built, this attraction was submerged.

Go figure.

No Bull...

To hell with a thousand words, sometimes an awkward picture is worth a single blog post.

Note to self-referential self, ask for professional electric massager instead for the holidays.

Live Life as an Ewok

Out N' About Treesort is one of those things that only hippies in Oregon can dream up and make work--a small-scale resort of tree houses.

Located in the wilds of Southern Oregon, this little oddity hosts the nicest tree houses that I have ever come across. It is really a little bit Swiss Family Robinson and a little bit Ewok Village. Given the copious amounts of body hair you are likely to see and that resort has its own zip line set-up, it is more like an Ewok village.

I can't do anything but wonder what it takes to insure a place like this. A drop from the bridge could be maiming at best, fatal at worst. 

And look they make hand-made maps in Elfin language! This place is FUCKIN' AWESOME!