One Year Later…This Much Closer to Being a Nurse with a Mustache

It has been one year since I moved to Montana and experienced the woes of Bozemanic Depression, but the good news is that I am approximately three months away from completing my program and becoming and official nurse with a mustache. I figure'd that these old ads would be an appropriate post to put up in honor of this odd little milestone in the progression in the Wonderful World of Clutter.

Unfortunately, we don't get to wear capes and starched caps anymore. Apparently the white caps of the nursing fetish set were bacteria factories. Go fig. Personally, I know I would have looked stunning wearing one.

Before and After…

The field of nursing is a probably one of the most "gendered" careers out there. While historically, prior to the 1800s,  male nurses were the norm, but with the advent of modern warfare, the role of nurses shifted to a profession of women. A number of reason factored into this--economics, redefinition of appropriateness of tasks, and the a division of labor occurring. Doctors and nurses weren't clearly defined, the nurse was once the apprentice to the physician, the physician was almost always a man, thus male nurses. When apprenticeships went away and people trained to just be surgeons and doctors, a need for nurses developed and the poor took that place. The poor at the time were women. And since that shift, it has been practically defined as a women-only career. The establishment of gender bias in careers is complex. But at least it isn't as grossly sexist as what is probably the absolute, most gendered profession in the world, the Hooters wait staff.

In any case, a couple of weeks ago, as part of my nursing school program, we learned how to perform nursing assessments on young children. Working with pediatric cases is probably one of the most difficult tasks a person can do. And to placate them, we provided these tots with pictures they could color. Pictures of nurses.

Here is one...

Being a future male nurse, I was a little miffed to find every representation of my future career to be a stereotypical image of a woman wearing the pill-box hat and uniform. How unfortunate! I needed to make some type of change to let these kids know that this is not was a real nurse is. 

So, I made some subtle changes to their pictures.

See the difference?

We go from stereotypical female nurse to stereotypical, Italian male nurse. Or perhaps he's French. The mustache is vaguely ethnic.

And who says they have to be human? This male nurse is obviously a cross-dressing Dinosaur. And if you say anything different, he will kill you. Either with a morphine overdose or by biting your head off. He is a T-Rex you know.

And who says these male nurses have to be classy? This male nurse has a mullet. 

So there.

These are the male nurses of the future. Male nurses with mustaches. Breaking the gender glass ceiling by throwing rocks and other objects.

Medical Objects

The recent Archive Crawl brought to my attention an overlooked mini-museum in Portland, located at Oregon Health Sciences University. The Historical Collections and Archives holds a number of different artifacts of Oregon's medical history from the early pioneer days to the institutes break through research years.

While I have yet to visit the actual facility, I am intrigued by the notion of this collection.

It brings to mind an odd reference I came across in a book about a malaria outbreak that occurred in Portland in the mid-1800s. As the story goes, documented in journal entries of early settlers, it was an unusually wet spring followed by a warm summer which brought out mosquitoes in massive swarms. The disease decimated the remaining native tribes that lived on Sauvie Island essentially eliminating some of the last remaining clusters of indigenous peoples of the region. While malaria was not outright named in these old diary entries, the symptoms described, recurring fevers, sweats, punctuated by brief moments calm and eventual death were all indicative of the illness.

The prospect of a malaria outbreak so far north seems very strange in contemporary society; we usually associate this disease with tropical and subtropical regions of the globe. However, if the conditions are right and the vectors that spread the disease aren't contained it is possible for a myriad of diseases to travel. 

While we panic over West Nile Virus and yet don't heed warnings about swine flu amazes me. But this is not an epidemiology rant, I just like the curiosities of nature and of our collective history.

Manuals Education: Facts Aren't Enough

A few months ago, I happened across four strangely titled pamphlets while I was examining the wares at a antique shop in Missoula, Montana. I figured by the title of the book I had come across a pleasant little Christian handbook of some sort, one that has pictures of happy white families and drawings of nuclear holocausts. But I was surprised to find a stack of early sixties era sexual education manuals. 

The text doesn't really need much explanation. In fact, almost all of the booklets are pure comedy gold. It is unfortunate that the authors didn't intend the works to be so.

Click on the images to enlarge the text for your reading enjoyment. Of note, the section on scribbles on the bathroom wall, taking care of pets, and finding sex objects in the child's possession provides much amusement. However funny these books may seem and despite their archaic portrayal of gender roles, it is probably more accurate and progressive than the education manuals that are out there today. That would probably be because the authors of the manuals were the AMA and not a text book company subject to the whims of Texan school boards.

When Life is Overwhelming...

When faced with stress the body can turn toward its natural reserves and begin operating on numerous unique factors.  Before pure exhaustion sets in and the body depletes all reserves of glucose and completely runs out of all energy, neurotransmitters release mild stimulants providing a mild sense of euphoria to the body. This response to stress can be broken down into three different components which will allow the body to persevere.

For instance, the body can run on Endorphins.

Or...

The body can run on dolphins...

Or...

It can run on Dolph Lundgren.

DOLPH-MOTHERFUCKING-LUNDGREN

Think about it...

Cure alls...

Advertisements for old nostrums always amuse me. ANGL-SALVE is a fine example of some strange compound that cures pretty much everything synonymous with having a cold...and sun burns.

La-grippe and cattarah (sic) have both become somewhat forgotten terms from the medical vernacular--bygone terms from the era when hospitals were built on hills so the "good air" could fill the lungs of the victims of consumption. 

As to what this concoction actually held, I have no idea. My guess is that it had a mix of herbs and chemicals and some alcohol. And by some, I mean lots. 

What puzzles me , however, about this particular medication is the name. Is the first part of the name to be pronounced as Angel or shall it be Angel? Either way, it doesn't quite explain the Native American on the display. 

Analysis Complete: Interpreting my MRI

Top research scientists in specializing in neuro-anatomy have finally sent over clearly labeled regions of my brain as part of a collaborative project between the Wonderful World of Clutter and the Brain Science Institute of Applied Scientific Labeling. Basically, they are an organization that likes to look at pictures of scientific things and apply scientific labels. I figured they could provide the best analysis of the regions of my brain given that their work is highly regarded.
Aside from informing me that my skull is oddly misshapen in various parts, They have also identified key regions of interests to both me and avid readers of this blog. Some of the images may be a bit hard to read, so please click on the brain scans to see an enlarged view.

This first image clearly maps some of the large area where bad ideas come from, a highly specialized region that mirrors the bad idea area that is dedicated solely to the love of taxidermy, and a region in the primitive brain consumed by random song lyrics.

This next large, highly-ridged area is where general concern over Evil Monkeys is centered. It is hypothesized that this area has become so specialized in order to interpret and avoid the warning signs of Evil Monkey interference. While speech and language might normally be centered here in most people, apparently my vocal warnings about the Simian Kabal has formed its own specialized region that overwhelms the power of speech. Thus leading to one of my central theses, Evil Monkeys are everywhere. Good thing the MRI revealed that I have a latent ability for laser vision. I just need to focus my attention more to make it work. At the region of the Arbor Vitae, we find more clutter.

The last brain scan reveals a large central area dedicated solely to the knowledge of comic books. Right above the medulla is a region that is triggered by negative stimuli such as the terror of butterflies and moths. This area is responsible for the "fight of flight" response. Fight or Flight from butterflies and moths. Useless Historical Trivia and More Clutter take up other areas of the brain.

More Pharmacy Fun...

For decades I have looked at this scale and never really thought about the novelty of this device...Nor have I pondered the fates it has imposed upon weary people waiting for antibiotics, allergy drugs, and the occasional cure for that nagging sore that keeps coming back "down there."

Of course in the realm of unscrupulous medical devices, if one would include a fortune-reading scale as a medical device, it is pretty benign. It isn't an Oxydonor or Prostate Warmer. Instead it is just a simple fad. It reminds me of a chapter of a book by Paul Collins's book Barnvard's Folly about the Blue Glass Craze where everyone thought that sitting under blue glass would allow special solar rays to filter through and give rejuvenating energy to those with rheumatism, gout, arthritis, and other ailments. I guess a scale is a little less interesting than certificates that allow for the dispensing of opium and coca leaves, but still, these little overlooked items always intrigue me.

Private Collections: Pharmacy Relics

Brooklyn Pharmacy, located in SE Portland, is probably the longest continuously operating pharmacy in the state of Oregon. In this day and age of giant mega-stores, dispensing medications, the neighborhood, independently owned pharmacy is a rare thing. As other local pharmacies have closed over the years, their antiques and curiosities have been making their way to Mike, the owner and main pharmacist of this little shop. The following pictures are pieces of this history.

The above are vials of strychnine. As I look at each of the bottles, tiny vials, and little boxes in the three display cases arranged in the pharmacy, it amazes me how many cures were poisons. In fact, almost all of the vials are clearly marked poison.

The images below are definite relics of a bygone era. At one point in time, opium and coca were commonly prescribed medicines. Bayer, the makers of Aspirin, were one of the first to manufacture and market heroin. Not only was it one of the best pain relievers known at the time, it was touted as a cure for alcoholism. Coca leaves have anesthetic properties that could be used ailments and the pick-me-up it provided was an added bonus. But while cocaine and heroin have become street drugs, their pharmacological properties are still widely noted and their derivatives are used to this day.

The number of old vials and bottles in the Brooklyn Pharmacy Collection is quite amazing. Compounding agents, mortars and pestles, pill forming tools, and an interesting collection of old hand-written prescriptions dating back to 1890. If you are in SE Portland, this is definitely a collection worth looking at.

Who'd have thought?

Yep...

Well...ummmm...yep...Soap...Good for cleaning in medicine...

And for proof we have TEN...count them...1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! Authorities in Medicine and Science tell us how useful soap can be for medicine.

Other uses for soap besides medicine:

Washing out out dirty mouths of children who use profanity.

Time delay fuses for make-shift explosives.

Offering to pagan gods and perhaps a Christian deity if so inclined.

Prison Money.

My Germs are Okay...Your Germs are Okay...Sometimes

Sometimes, a book title tells you everything you need to know.

This book is all about good and bad microbes. And it is a story... the subtitle to the book tells us right there.

Chapter Six is very special, because it is definitely about your germs and not mine.

And as the author tells us...pretty much any one can have syphilis or gonorrhea, not just prostitutes.

Because well, we all could have these microbes. You and Me...Your neighbor, Aunt Sally, Cousin Winthrop, Mailman Joe, and your Oral Hygienist Flo. I bet they are not prostitutes. Well, they might be and they might not be telling you.

Quackery: Less fun that Oxycodone...more fun than Obstinate Constipation

I love medical history! And more importantly I love medical fads, frauds, and oddities. This little pamphlet is kind of wonderful in that weird world of testimonials for an odd oxygen tank contraption that cured all sorts of ailments from scoliosis to tubercolosis.

 

Even early on, sexiness sold products. The descreet Oxydonor is attached to the young model's leg. How the thing works...I haven't the foggiest idea.
 
 
 

The contraption itself, or at least the "Victory" model looks like something out of Ghostbusters. If it works the way I seemed to understand it works from the pamphlet, it generates oxygen, and then by some form of difusion pumps it into the human body. A few problems with this process that I can identify. Generating oxygen is somewhat complex unless you can set up some type of hydrolysis processes to separate water into hydrogen and oxygen. Then you end up with two highly combustible gasses.

But who cares if the science behind the device is unsound. People bought it and believed in the Oxydonor as noted by the various testimonials. For example, this machine cures Obstinate Constipation...and Quinsy, also known as Peritonsillar absces.